


Stepping Stones

by finkpishnets



Category: X Factor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-07
Updated: 2010-11-07
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finkpishnets/pseuds/finkpishnets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is going to be crazy,” Matt says, eyes wide, and Aiden grins.<br/>“Yeah,” he says, “but it’s going to be fun too.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stepping Stones

Meeting up with the other guys is awkward and a little terrifying, and Aiden ends up sitting on an uncomfortable airport chair playing with his scarf as the others split off to phone relatives one last time before the flight or talk to people they’d met at bootcamp. He’s wondering whether it’d be rude to butt in on another conversation when someone drops their bag on the ground and slumps down into the seat next to him.

“Hi,” he says, and it’s the guy that can hit notes nobody else dares try. “I’m Matt.”

“Aiden,” he says, and Matt nods and adjusts his hat, and Aiden’s worried he’ll have to resort to small talk and make a fool of himself, but Matt just looks thoughtful for a while before shrugging.

“I spy? Sure, it’s old school, but it’ll help pass the time,” he grins and looks over at Tom and Karl, “and I really don’t want to talk about which of the Husstle girls I’d like to be stuck on a desert island with.”

Aiden laughs, twisting his scarf around his hand tightly, and ducks his head.

“I spy with my little eye,” he says, “something beginning with T.”

 

+

 

The flight to Australia is too long, the kind of long that leaves a sick, frustrated feeling in the pit of your stomach, and Aiden’s not sure if he’s thankful for the extra time or ready to begin freaking out. He still can’t quite believe he’s here, sitting between Matt and the window and trying to focus on the book propped against his knee even as the words swim in front of his eyes. Matt has his iPod on and his eyes closed and keeps dozing off, and Aiden wishes he could relax enough to do the same thing but he’s only just managing to keep his knee from bouncing up and down after he knocked his Coke into Matt’s lap about an hour into the flight. He’s kind of afraid Matt’s going to write him off as a stupid kid before this whole trip’s even got under way, and Matt’s the only person so far he has any kind of connection with.

 

+

 

Dannii’s their mentor (like they didn’t see that coming), and she’s bright and happy and Aiden thinks that, yeah, if they couldn’t have Simon then she’s probably the next best thing.

The mansion is _amazing_ , the sort of place Aiden’s only ever seen in magazines, and he manages to get lost the first night trying to find the bathroom while the production crew laugh at him and threaten to put the footage on TV.

Right now the idea that he’s going to _be on TV_ is enough to blow his mind.

He’s got his own room, which is pretty amazing; it’s bigger than his one back home by kind of epic amounts but he doesn’t unpack the little amount he brought with him. That would make it seem to permanent, and they’re not going to be here long, and it’ll be easier to face rejection if he hasn’t already let himself feel settled.

Matt’s room is down the hall and Aiden knocks hesitantly the first night, still buzzing from the flight, and hopes Matt’s not sleeping or talking to someone back home or anything. There’s a pause and Aiden’s sort of tempted to run back to his room to avoid embarrassment when Matt opens the door, hair wet and mussed and shirt half unbuttoned, and Aiden swallows nervously.

“Uh,” he says. “Hey. Sorry, I just wanted to see if you were still up.”

“Yeah,” Matt grins, “can’t sleep. I don’t know if it’s jetlag or nerves but it’s starting to piss me off.”

He stands back and nods for Aiden to come in, and Aiden feels a little vindicated that it looks like Matt’s chosen to live out of his bag too.

Matt hands him a water from where they’re stacked on the dressing table and sprawls out on the bed leaving Aiden to take the two-seater sofa, and when Aiden starts tapping his fingers nervously against the bottle Matt asks him whether he thinks The Stones or the The Beatles were better and the next thing Aiden knows it’s four a.m. and he’s struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Get some sleep,” Matt says, biting back his own yawn. “We can talk more at breakfast.”

“Sleep tight,” Aiden says as he leaves, and he’s pretty sure he hears Matt say ‘ditto’ before the door shuts between them.

 

+

 

They get waited on hand and foot which is only slightly dimmed by the fact they have cameras stuck in their face twenty-four seven. Breakfast consists of every kind of voice-friendly food Australia apparently has to offer, and he feels so full by the time it’s over he’s kind of worried that he’s going to be too sluggish to sing.

An official looking lady with a clipboard tells them the times they’ll be going to meet up with Dannii and Natalie and then they’re left to do as they please until the afternoon. Some of the others immediately declare spaces around the mansion for practise, and Aiden sort of feels like he should do the same, only he’s also kind of worried that he’ll over-do it and end up choking in the audition, and, yeah.

He doesn’t want the other guys to think he’s slacking off though.

“Come on,” Matt says, when Aiden’s standing awkwardly halfway between the entrance hall and the dining room and throwing a towel at his face, grinning when he gets a direct hit. “We’re hitting the beach.”

“Don’t you want to practise?” Aiden asks, and Matt shrugs.

“No point overdoing it. If I’m not ready now then I’m not going to be.”

“That’s what my mum used to say about school exams,” Aiden says and then kind of wants to hit himself over the head, but Matt just laughs.

“Exactly,” he says, “and mum’s advice is usually the best.”

 

+

 

Aiden sings for Dannii and he doesn’t mess up but that doesn’t leave him feeling any surer of himself.

Everyone knows it’s anyone’s game at this point.

 

+

 

Dannii says he’s in, says she’s taking him to the live shows, and he forgets to breathe.

“Well?” Matt says when he finds him on the decking, and Aiden still doesn’t know what just happened, still can’t quite believe it, but he manages to nod his head and then Matt’s laughing, flinging his arms around Aiden’s waist and lifting him off the ground, and Aidan throws back his head and joins in because he _did it_ , he’s going through, and it’s not just him, it’s Matt too, and that just makes it even better.

He buries his face in Matt’s shoulders, breathes against his neck, and Matt pulls him closer and holds on.

 

+

 

The wait between Australia and the shows feels like limbo.

His family throw him a party that’s big and loud and over the top, and all of his friends cheer and tell him they knew he’d make it even as they stare in something like shock. After he’s heard ‘congratulations’ from more people than he was actually aware he knew he tries to find somewhere to catch his breath and ends up hiding in his wardrobe because apparently it’s the only place left in his house that’s not crammed with people.

He scrolls through the numbers on his phone for a minute before writing a new message.

 _Family nuts_ , he types. _Think the competition may actually be quieter than this._

He only has to wait forty seconds (counted out quietly in his head) before his phone buzzes in his hand.

 _Don’t be a wimp_ , Matt says. _And besides, you’ve seen nothing until you’ve seen fangirls._

Aiden grins and ventures back out to face the crowd when he hears his mum shouting about pudding.

 

+

 

The house is insane, and Aiden’s just glad he’s only sharing a room with Matt and Nicolo, especially when he gets a look at the FYD and One Direction rooms that seem to have exploded in the whole half an hour they’ve been occupied.

The first night there’s a lot of high pitched squeals and ‘ _Oh my God_ ’s and everything feels too loud and too crowded, and Aiden isn’t sure whether he loves it or hates it and ends up hiding in the kitchen with Rebecca for a bit, letting her talk about how hard it was to leave her kids.

Matt finds them a little later, looking shell-shocked and amused, and Rebecca smiles at the both before going back to join the party.

“This is going to be crazy,” Matt says, eyes wide, and Aiden grins.

“Yeah,” he says, “but it’s going to be fun too.”

 

+

 

The judges talk to them before the first show, outlining what they’re expecting from everyone and the general rules and regulations, and then Simon turns to them and says, “and for God’s sake, no relationships” and it’s funny because when would they actually find the _time_?

Except there’s something a little unsure pressing against Aiden’s chest, and he doesn’t know if it’s just his teenage rebellion rising up about being told what to do or if it’s…something _else_.

“You alright?” Matt asks when they’re sitting back in the auditorium watching the dress rehearsals, and his shoulder presses lightly against Aiden’s, reassuringly.

“Yeah,” he says, and when Matt grins Aiden feels some of the unease in his stomach dissolve.

 

+

 

Singing on stage in front of all those people is the most exhilarating and most terrifying thing Aiden’s done in his entire life.

He wants to do it forever.

 

+

 

After the second live show, Aiden manages to wait until they’ve left the studio and arrived back at the house before he lets his face fall. The other contestants leave him alone - after all, he was the only one to really screw up - and he’s mostly glad except for how he really wishes he were at home so his mum could give him a hug which isn’t something an eighteen year old lad should probably be admitting but he doesn’t care because everything _sucks_.

He knows he’s probably over-reacting, that nothing’s certain until Dermot calls out the names, but it’s more than that. He’s disappointed with _himself_.

He goes to bed early (well, early for them) and curls up underneath his duvet, swallowing back the lump in his throat, and for the first time wondering if life wouldn’t just be easier if he _didn’t do this_.

He’s so focused on holding himself together that he only half hears the door open and shut and Matt pad quietly towards him. There’s the sound of shoes being kicked against the wall, and then the corner of Aiden’s duvet is being lifted up and the bed dips as Matt sits down.

“Budge up,” Matt says, and Aiden does so without questions, scoots closer to the wall so that Matt can slide in behind him.

“You did good tonight,” Matt says, and it’s quiet, barely more than a whisper, but Aiden can feel the words against the back of his neck. “I know you think you screwed up big time, but your good bits were still better than most people’s best.”

Aiden doesn’t say anything, can’t, but he loosens up enough for Matt to wrap around him. Matt curls one hand over Aiden’s hip and presses down gently.

“You’ll see,” he says. “It’ll be okay. You’ll see.”

 

+

 

“I think the One Direction boys are stalking you,” Matt says, nodding at where Niall and Harry are throwing glances their way from the corner of the room. “I think I saw Liam coming out of our room earlier. You might want to check they haven’t snatched any of your things for a shrine or something.”

“Shut up,” Aiden says, rolling his eyes, but when he looks over at the boys they both blush and turn away, and, yeah, that’s been happening quite a lot this week.

“Come on,” Matt says, “it’s hilarious!”

“Louis keeps trying to sit on my lap,” Aiden says, biting his lip, and Matt cracks up, laughing into his folded arms.

“Brilliant,” he chokes. “Fantastic! The resident boy band are all in love with you.”

“I don’t think Zain is,” Aiden says optimistically, but all that succeeds in doing is setting Matt off again.

“I love your life,” Matt says.

Aiden just groans.

 

+

 

Katie hints to the press that she’s slept with Matt and Aiden locks himself in his room. Matt’s not in the house, is talking to the shows PR managers somewhere strategically away from Katie, and Aiden just curls up beneath his duvet and ignores the sounds of the world around him.

It’s not that he thinks it’s true – Katie’s not someone Matt would go anywhere near – but the fact that it’s out there, that Matt’s going to have to make a statement and end up dragged into the drama just makes him angry and upset and _tired_.

He must have drifted off because the next thing he knows someone’s banging on the door, and Aiden’s half tempted to ignore them, but then there’s Matt’s voice saying ‘Aiden?’ like a question and it’s Matt’s room too, so he stands up, groaning when his shoulder clicks.

“Hi,” Matt says when Aiden opens the door, and Aiden hums a response and goes back to bed, kicks at the sheets until he can pull them up over his head and tries to pretend that he can’t tell exactly where in the room Matt is without looking.

He hears Matt sigh, and then there’s a dip in his bed and the heat of another body, and Aiden’s pretty sure if he turned around and opened his eyes he’d see Matt sitting with his head in his hands.

“Shit,” Matt says, and, yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

 

+

 

The next time Aiden wakes up Matt’s sitting on his own bed writing furiously on a pad of paper, brow furrowed.

“Hey,” Aiden says, and when Matt looks up his smile is drained.

“Hey,” Matt says. “How are you?”

Aiden pulls a face as he shrugs.

“You?” he says, and Matt sighs.

“Yeah,” Matt says. “I’m okay.”

Aiden thinks maybe he should say something reassuring about how there’ll be another story this time next week or that everyone knows Katie’s a media whore, but he can’t. It’s selfish as hell but his brain feels fogged up and he just wants to sleep until he forgets or until Katie disappears.

“Aiden,” Matt says, and he sounds a little desperate this time, a little lost, and Aiden wishes he weren’t so much of a bastard.

He’s pretty sure he hears Matt say “Fuck this” from where his head’s buried in his pillows.

 

+

 

Aiden misses Matt shouting at Katie. He only realises something’s happened when he finally ventures from his room for a glass of water and finds the One Direction boys and Belle Amie girls sitting silently in the living room like they’re little kids in trouble.

“Uh,” he says. “Everything okay?”

“No,” Niall says, “Matt had a go at Katie and now they both have to go speak to the PR guys tomorrow.”

“Katie’s crying in her room,” Harry says, like Aiden cares. “Cher’s with her.”

“Where’s Matt?” Aiden asks, and Liam shrugs.

“I think he went out for a walk.”

“Right,” Aiden says. “Okay.”

Geneva catches his arm on his way out. “Try the garden,” she says, and there’s something a little too knowing about the way she’s looking at him. “He won’t have gone far.”

“Cheers,” he says, awkwardly, and she nods in a way that seems scarily approving.

 

+

 

Matt is in the garden, slumped down in a bench away from the house, his hat pulled down low, and Aiden takes a moment just to watch him.

“So,” he says eventually, standing in front of Matt with his arms crossed. “You okay?”

Matt’s look screams ‘ _What do you think?_ ’ before he shrugs.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aiden says, and he doesn’t know if it’s his own imagination but Matt seems to freeze.

“Talk about what?” Matt says, and Aiden frowns.

“About the fact that you apparently told Katie what for.”

“Oh,” Matt says, and the fight seems to drain out of him before Aiden’s eyes. “That.”

“Yeah, that,” Aiden says, perching on the arm of the bench and huddling down further into his cardigan as it starts to drizzle. “I guess I just didn’t expect you to get that upset over it.”

“I’m not,” Matt says.

“Then what-“ Aiden says, and Matt shuts his eyes.

“ _I’m_ not,” he says, and when he looks up Aiden feels like he’s been punched in the chest.

“Oh,” he says.

“Yeah,” Matt says after a minute. “So, no locking yourself in and sleeping the whole day away again you lazy sod.”

Aiden laughs a little, shocked, and when Matt grins at him it’s only a bit forced.

Aiden’ll take what he can get.

 

+

 

They’re all in the kitchen eating yet another extravagant meal, and it’s not exactly comfortable what with the way no one can quite meet Matt’s eye, but Katie’s not back from her meeting with the Powers That Be yet and so they can mostly forget that there’s anything to feel awkward about as they eat too much bread and butter pudding and talk about Grace’s latest styling choices.

At least until the door opens and Katie walks in looking completely unfazed.

“Hi,” she says, big eyes and bigger smile, and Aiden couldn’t fight the way his lips tighten if he wanted to. Everyone else seems to decide that acting as if nothing’s happened is clearly the best course of action, and Aiden kind of wishes he could do the same thing if only to avoid the drama she thrives on, except this is _Matt_ , and that kind of makes it _him_ too.

Cher opens her mouth to draw Katie into conversation and the One Direction boys are messing around again, throwing cutlery at one another, and he just can’t take it.

“Just because the judges like you and let you get away with anything,” he says before he’s even aware of it, “doesn’t mean the rest of us will.”

The silence in the room is thick enough that you could cut it with a knife, and Aiden thinks it’s probably only eighty percent the words and the rest the fact that he’s the one saying them.

“Aiden,” Matt says, and it’s quiet and calm and goes a little way in helping him relax. “Come on.”

Matt stands up and walks round the table, curls his fingers over Aiden’s shoulder gently and nudges him in the direction of the door.

“Fine,” Aiden says, letting Matt lead him away. “Fine.”

“Sorry,” Aiden says when they’re away from the kitchen and out of earshot, and Matt’s hand is still on his arm.

“Why?” Matt says, grinning. “It’s true.”

“Yeah,” Aiden says, “but still.”

Aiden’s about to suggest they go and watch a film until he’s calmed down but then he realises that Matt’s staring at him, soft and warm, and something tugs at his chest, but he can’t look away, can’t make himself even blink, and he doesn’t know what’s going on, but-

There’s a crash from the kitchen and Louis shouting “Harry!” accusingly and when Aiden looks back at Matt he’s fixing his hat and the moment’s over.

“Come on,” Matt says, “I’ll let you show me one of those artsy films you like.”

Aiden wonders when his life became this confusing.

 

+

 

The judges continue to sing Katie’s praises, talk about how the media’s misrepresenting her, and Aiden has to bite down a glare every time even though Matt, amazingly, seems to be taking it in his stride.

The production team still doesn’t sit Katie and Matt anywhere near each other though, which is probably a good idea, but apparently word of Aiden’s outburst hasn’t gotten out because the same privilege doesn’t apply.

They’re sitting on the three-tiered bench someone built just to make them feel claustrophobic and awkward as they answer Konnie’s ever-inane pile of emails when Katie leans over.

“I’m sorry,” she says, and Aiden shrugs.

“Not me you should be apologising to, is it?”

“No,” Katie says, then, “maybe.”

Aiden looks at her and he’s surprised to find that she looks the closest thing to sincere he’s ever seen her. It’s kind of unnerving.

He wants to tell her to mind her own business, try not to be so grating, accept her apology, but then Konnie’s turning around and calling his name and that’s the end of that.

He’s willing to take it as a start.

 

+

 

The Belle Amie girls keep insisting they play their stupid spin-the-bottle-but-not games that only ever lead to trouble and falsehoods appearing in tabloids, and Aiden doesn’t think it’s even so they can kiss anyone in particular so much as it’s just something girls _do_. Unfortunately the One Direction boys seem appallingly more keen on the idea as the weeks go on (and Aiden really tries to pretend he _doesn’t_ see the way they keep glancing over at him), and Aiden doesn’t want to play but he’s sort of fed up with everyone walking on egg shells around him so he joins them in the lounge silently.

He’s surprised when Matt sits down opposite; he’s been in a strange mood all day, keeping to himself, and besides, Matt’s stayed as far away from all this as he can lately. Aiden tries to catch his eye and give him a quick ‘ _You okay?_ ’ grin, only Matt’s not looking at him, seems to be actively looking anywhere but, and Aiden doesn’t know why.

Harry kisses Cher, and Liam kisses Esther, and Katie kisses Geneva which cracks the One Direction boys up, and then it’s Aiden’s turn and he spins the little disk and feels a bit sick until it lands smack bang on Matt. He thinks he can hear the others giggling somewhere in the distance only all he’s really aware of is the way the colour drains from Matt’s face only to flood back up again and hear the way his heart’s beating against his own ribcage so hard he’s surprised the others haven’t commented on it yet.

He intends it just to be a quick peck, just something to say he’s played the game, but then he’s scuffling on the floor in front of Matt, and there are catcalls and wolf-whistles that he can’t really hear, and Matt is staring at his lips, and Aiden can’t help it.

He kisses Matt, just a light brush of lips over lips, but it’s a real kiss, an intentional one, and then Matt’s pressing closer and Aiden’s grabbing at his shoulders, curling his fingers in tightly and kneeling up so he can get closer, and Matt’s kissing back, _Matt’s kissing back_ , and God.

Matt’s lips are soft and warm and a little chapped and he tastes of coffee and _Matt_ , and Aiden wants more, needs more. Matt tugs Aiden’s bottom lip into his mouth, bites at it softly, and Aiden can’t help the desperate little moan that escapes, can only hope it’s swallowed up by Matt and not released into the open, and _crap_ , they’re in the _open_.

He pulls away reluctantly, can’t let go of Matt completely but manages to break apart enough to breathe, and the room is completely silent. Aiden’s sort of terrified to look anywhere except at the top button of Matt’s shirt.

“Told you so,” Katie says, and Aiden has never been more thankful for her arrogance.

“We should talk,” Matt says quietly, just a breath between them, as the room explodes. “Later. Not now, otherwise-“

“Yeah,” Aiden says. Otherwise everyone will think they’re disappearing for other reasons.

The game continues but no one’s really paying attention anymore; they all keep glancing between Aiden and Matt like they’re desperate to start asking questions but are unsure what to say, except for Louis who’s smirking and Niall who’s blushing hard enough he’s glowing.

Aiden just looks at his shoes and tries to sink into the furniture.

 

+

 

‘Later’ doesn’t come until three a.m. when the other contestants have all finally stumbled into their rooms, and Matt and Aiden are left trying not to be awkward as they get ready for bed.

“So,” Matt says, and Aiden stops dead in his tracks between his dresser and the bathroom.

“Uh,” he says, “so,” and he can’t meet Matt’s eye at all, stares at a little mark on Matt’s shirt just below his collarbone.

Matt sighs, rubs his hand over the back of his neck, and Aiden has the sudden urge to run his fingers through the hair there.

“I’m not really very good at this,” Matt says, and Aiden feels a little sick; the next words out of Matt’s mouth were probably going to be kind and gentle and rejecting all at once, and Aiden doesn’t know if he can take it. Not now.

“I’m sorry,” he says, before Matt can continue. “I’m sorry I kissed you. I just. The game, you know?”

Aiden balls up the t-shirt in his hands and doesn’t look at Matt, and waits and waits and waits for Matt to laugh it off, for him to take the get out and run with it and joke about being mates and spending too much time crammed in small spaces and bromance.

“Don’t say that,” Matt says instead. “Not unless you mean it.”

Aiden looks up, startled, and Matt looks wrecked, his eyes wide and desperate and his mouth pressed in a tight, angry line, and Aiden _did that to him_.

He wants to apologise again for entirely different reasons, but he thinks the words look like they’ll tip Matt over, and so he just moves forward until he’s standing in front of him, pressed chest to chest and feeling it every time Matt breathes in and out.

The second kiss is better than the first. It’s Matt that moans this time, and Aiden can’t believe he’s doing this, that he’s the one to pull these reactions from Matt, but now he is he doesn’t want to do anything else ever again.

Screw the whole _X-Factor_ , music career, fame and fortune thing, this is _so much better_.

Matt’s fingers are pressing into Aiden’s hips, pulling him closer and closer, and they must be moving backwards because they manage to hit the edge of Matt’s bed and Aiden ends up falling between Matt’s legs and somehow not breaking the kiss.

“This isn’t really talking,” Matt says, his voice low and rough, and Aiden almost moans at the sound of it alone.

“Talking?” Aiden says. “What’s talking?”

Matt laughs into Aiden’s neck and Aiden can feel the shapes his breath makes against his skin.

“I guess you’ve worked out I’m a little bit stupid about you, huh?” Matt says, and even though he says it with a smile Aiden knows Matt needs to hear it, needs to know that Aiden’s sure.

And he is.

“Yeah,” Aiden says, sliding his hand up Matt’s neck, fingers curling gently around Matt’s cheek and feeling a thrill at the way Matt leans into it. “Ditto.”

Matt presses his smile against Aiden’s quickly and then pulls back, his face nervous, and Aiden can’t have screwed it up this fast can he?

“Shit,” Matt says, seriously, “I just thought. One Direction are going to kill me in my sleep.”

Aiden tries to muffle his laugh into Matt’s shirt, but he’s pretty sure it reverberates around the room anyway; he feels _happy_ , like it actually doesn’t matter what happens now, and that’s sort of terrifying and sort of amazing and he doesn’t want to give up that feeling for the world.

“If it’s any consolation,” he says, giddily, feeling the vibrations of Matt’s own laughter threading through his fingertips, “I’m pretty sure Zain won’t.”

“Your _life_ ,” Matt says, shaking his head like he can’t quite believe all this is happening either, and Aiden thinks they probably _do_ need to talk, need to work this thing backwards and go through some light bulb moments until they’re on the same page, but for now he’s just happy to be sleepy and content and wrapped up in Matt.

“ _Your_ life,” he says for no reason except he can, and Matt chuckles and pulls him down, and Aiden holds on tight.


End file.
